Here is another monologue from an upcoming play that I am producing…this is written by Carrie Williams, check out her blog as well
Ok. Keep it together. I have to be strong. I can’t seem vulnerable here. No…not at all! I have to keep all 4 of my kids by my side. I can’t trust anyone. If you are weak here you will be taken advantage of. The staff…they are the worse enemies. They speak to us ladies like we are worthless. Like there’s no hope for us to succeed. They don’t know me! They don’t know what I’m capable of! I don’t belong here. 48 hours ago I had a nice home. I had a great job! I had tons of material things…but I was miserable on the inside. Loosing another piece of myself everyday. How did this happen? Where did I go wrong?
I loved him. He used to love me. I remember a time when we were unstoppable. He would do anything for me. That was so many years ago. I believed things would get better. If he would just stop drinking and getting high …he would return to the man I fell in love with. I was living a lie. Wanting everyone to think we were a happy couple but as soon as the doors shut…he…he tortured me. He hurt me so bad…emotionally, physically and yes even sexually. I think in some sick way he got off on watching me cry n beg him to stop. Before I knew it…we had four kids and I had been going through this for almost 10 years. I wasn’t myself anymore. I had to leave…for good this time. My oldest son sees way to much n he doesn’t respect me…who would? And I have a daughter …I don’t want her to think its ok. I love my kids more than anything. And for them I set out on this journey.
So here I am. Here in this “safe haven”. Let me tell you…there’s nothing safe about it! I don’t care about your degree in your pretty frame! You see me as weak. As another statistic with too many kids. Someone who is powerless and pointless. I can’t speak to friends or family. In my case I may have to change my name n get a new social security number. My life is halted. My kids are hungry here! At least there I knew what to expect. I am familiar with abuse…I’ve encountered it all my life. But this …this is hard. I’ve been choked, beaten half to death, raped by the one man i loved. I imagined a beautiful new life with women to support me. But its just not that way. You know whats crazy? I don’t care what you think. I’m a survivor! I’m strong! I’m still alive for a purpose. I’m gonna show you. I will show ALL of you what I’m made of. But first I gotta get up…I gotta make it thru this day.